PoNiOh: The Abridged Series
by Trialman AKA Soma Cruz
Summary: Ever wondered how Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged would be if it were ponyfied? Then this is the right story for you, it shall have all the Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged episodes and other videos, like the movies. Rated T for language and sexual references.
1. Season 0 Abridged

Season 0 Pilot

A/N: Eeyup, another parody fic from me, this time, I am rewriting Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, only it's now ponified. I have spent about 3 days deciding on the characters, I won't spoil any now, but I will state some in advance, just not yet. Credit goes to LittleKuriboh for making Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged and providing most of my jokes, but I credit myself for the changes to make this more ponified. So, let's get to the show, shall we? First is the Season 0 episode.

(Prologue skipped due to laziness)

Our story begins at Ponyville High, a school attended by the studious unicorn Twilight Sparkle, although this doesn't make much sense, as all the mane characters are meant to be in their 20s, so why they're attending high school is beyond me, apart from the fact it's to stay consistent with Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, as the characters in it are teenagers, and wait, isn't Twilight meant to be in Ponyville to study friendship as Princess Celestia's private student, but then again, Celestia isn't the ruler in this story. But come to think of it, they never do schoolwork in Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, so we'll just go with that the ponies go to school, but do no work.

Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle broke the fourth wall by asking, "Couldn't you have just changed it around a little?"

Well, I want this to stay as similar to Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged as possible, so...

The students were heading outside to play some sort of pony sport that I'm too lazy to make up, as it wouldn't work to have ponies playing Basketball.

In the classroom, Twilight Sparkle was building a house of cards, "I'm about to beat my record" she told herself, as she moved another card with her horn, "Just got to be real careful..." she warned herself, "And try not to..."

But she was cut off by a generic student calling her, "Hey, Twilight! Don't be such a nerd, come play sports and be a generic douchebag like everypony else in this school!"

Twilight had unfortunately knocked over her house of cards, but decided to deal with the student by reminding him, "Last time we played sports, you stuffed me in the equipment and left me stuck until Granny Smith came to pick me up."

Generic Student then said, "Yeah, good times, so let's play!"

Twilight then asked the student, "Would you still like that ball if I stuffed down your throat?"

Generic Student then angrily told her, "You know what, forget it!" and stomped out of the room.

Twilight then told herself, "They can keep their sports and their popularity and their active sex lives!" And she then pulled a box out of her bag with her horn telling herself, "I'd much rather have this puzzle Granny gave to me. She said if I made a wish on this, it would come true, and though it's Out Of Character for me to believe this is true, I still know exactly what I'm wishing for, Rainbow Dash's sunglas... Hey, what the..?"

Twilight found Pinkie Pie holding the box with her hooves which doesn't really make sense as she has no fingers or thumbs to hold the box with. Pinkie then asked, "Twi, why would anypony be interested in this ancient artefact that holds untold magical powers? It's so stupid, like you!" before laughing.

Twilight was quite shocked at how Pinkie was acting, and shouted, "!"

"Hold everything!" A voice stated.

The camera panned to show it was Derpy's voice, and the audience clapped because of Derpy.

"Hey Derpy, what's crack-a-lacking?" Pinkie then asked.

"I'll tell you what's crack-a-lacking, Derpy Hooves, that's what! As I play a very important role in this series!" Derpy explained.

Derpy continued to talk on about her role, as Pinkie went back to Twi, "As I was saying, your dumb box is full of dumb"

Twilight was now annoyed, shown by her response, "You are full of dumb!"

Right at this moment, Rainbow appeared out of nowhere, holding the box, "You girls should be ashamed!" she shouted, "Twi is very sensitive, and screwing with her emotions could seriously damage her later in life!"

"Phew, thanks for standing up for me, Rainbow" Twilight thanked her friend.

Rainbow responded, "That's okay, Twilight. You know I think you're really cute."

The unicorn was excited at the remark, "Hey, do you wanna go out sometime?"

"I meant as a friend, Twi!" Rainbow stated.

"Oh... right."

"But I still love you."

"Real.."

"As a friend, Twilight!"

"Oh... alright."

"Let's have sex later, okay?"

"Wha...?"

"AS FRIENDS, TWILIGHT! GEEZ, SUCH A PERVERT!"

At this point, Twilight decided, "Let's look at my shiny box now." as she showed Rainbow some of the puzzle pieces.

"Okay" Rainbow began, then she continued on by asking what the item inside the box was.

"It's an ancient artefact from somewhere between the setting of the Hearth's Warming Eve play and the time Discord took control of Equestria." Twilight answered, showing my laziness to think up a pony equivalent to Ancient Egypt. "And apparently the team who discovered it died mysteriously a few days later. So Granny Smith and Applejack gave it to me as a birthday present."

Rainbow then lampshaded how strange this reasoning was with the words, "Well that seems kinda twisted."

"I know, right?" Twilight agreed. "The inscription says that whoever completes the puzzle can make a wish and it will come true."

As anypony who just heard this line would do, Rainbow asked, "So Twilight, what's your wish going to be?"

"Oh that's easy," began Twilight, and stated, "Rainbow's su..." before stopping when she realized that she shouldn't talk about that, and quickly thought before deciding to say she was wishing for, "Derpy's sunglasses."

Rainbow just stared blankly at Twilight, as Derpy doesn't have sunglasses, and then decided to tell her, "You have problems, Twi!"

Twilight giggled nervously.

Meanwhile, Pinkie was with Derpy by the window, with a puzzle piece on her hoof, laughing as she stated, "Guess Twilight won't be needing this!"

Derpy responded, "Pinkie Pie, did you take that from Twilight's puzzle box?"

"I sure did. This is my way of teaching her to be a real mare!"

"Is that why we steal her lunch money too?"

"Nah, that's just for (BLEEP)s and giggles."

A voice sounded from the puzzle piece but nopony heard it as it said, "Giggle while you can, foal! For soon I shall be fre..." but it quickly cut itself off as the piece was thrown out the window and into the river, "Ah, no! Somepony help me, I can't swim! Mommy!"

Later that day, some ponies were dancing to music, taking all their advice from a griffon.

Twilight was watching this, thinking to herself, 'Ever since the school hired the Elite Beat Agents, things have gotten a lot funkier around here. I'd better get before I start dancing too."

But before she left, a voice began talking to her, "Hey, here. I've heard you've been bullied, is this true."

Twilight turned to see the voice belonged to the griffon, but could only think about the griffon's extremely long tail, 'Woah! That tail is huge, I can't stop staring at it. It's like if Photo Finish and Spitfire of the Wonderbolts had a baby. Now I'm picturing Spitfire and Photo Finish having sex... Why do I keep doing that?'

The griffon than asked, "Is something wrong?"

Twilight was then silly enough to state what was on her mind, "I AM EXTREMLY AROUSED!"

The griffon stared blankly before stating, "You have problems, mare!"

We then cut to Twilight arriving at the library, where she met Rainbow, who was wearing her sunglasses, the unicorn then asked why Rainbow was there.

Rainbow stated her reason was, "Oh, come on Twi, you know I love hanging out at your friend's creepy grandma's game shop."

"There's nothing creepy about Granny Smi..." began the purple unicorn.

But she was interrupted by Granny Smith abruptly stating, "I AM THE ALICORN OF DEATH!"

Twilight then seen what Rainbow meant, "O... k... kinda see where you're coming from now."

Applejack then decided to talk with Rainbow(Yes, both Applejack and Granny Smith take on Grandpa's role), "Howdy Rainbow, I see your sunglasses have had another good polishing, they're definitely 20% cooler now."

Rainbow was rather dumbfounded at the idea of somepony being overly obsessed with sunglasses, and requested, "Please don't talk about those."

"What, your sunglasses?" asked Applejack.

"Yes. Those"

"So, you don't want me to talk about your shades?"

"NO!"

"Okay, so just to be clear, I am definitely not going to bring up your sunnies, your glints are off the table, solar shields are a no go area..." Applejack went on before going into every sunglasses slang term in the thesaurus.

"Is she dumb?" Rainbow whispered into Twilight's ear.

"This is the first I've seen of this. I've heard of Element Of Honesty but she's taking it beyond the impossible now." the unicorn whispered back.

The next day...

Twilight was monologuing to herself, "Ah, good morning Equestria, I have a feeling today is going to be super special awesome..." but she was cut off at seeing the image of the Elite Beat Agents over the beaten bodies of Pinkie Pie and Derpy.

"Ta-da!" The leading griffon exclaimed.

Twilight then broke the chain of the story by asking, "Well, we have everything in place anyway so how's about skipping to the part where an evil spirit uses my body to kill you in cold blood?"

The griffon then agreed with the motion, "Why not? I'm not getting paid enough for performing in this anyway."

The unicorn then used her magic to pull the final puzzle piece towards them and placed it onto the puzzle which had been partially completed for when finishing the puzzle would normally appear. The finished puzzle resembled a stopwatch, and we see an image of Twilight falling into her shadow which had an eye under the horn.

Next, the griffon was hanging from a rope.

At the top of the structure was a pony resembling Twilight Sparkle, but her mane had been messed up, and her eyes seemed to be quite wide compared to normal, the mysterious character exclaimed, "Garbage Day!"

"Twilight, what in Equestria are you doing?" the griffon quickly asked.

The familiar-yet-at-the-same-time-definitely-not-known unicorn asked, "Gilda, baby, how's it hanging?" never explaining how she knew Gilda's name, but explained her rather bad joke, "Get it, 'cause you're gonna die! Hahaha! Aaahhhh, guess you had to be there."

Gilda then requested the money that would have been brought up if we didn't skip ahead.

"Tell you what," began the mysterious pony as she jumped down, spreading an entire deck of normal playing cards. "Let's play a game!"

Gilda then asked the obvious question, "What sort of game?"

The psychotic unicorn then responded, "First One To Die Loses!" before drawing a card, "Look, the Queen Of Spades."

"...What does that mea...?" began Gilda.

"YOU LOSE!" her enemy interrupted. The mysterious opponent continued by saying, "Hope you like giant, griffon-eating worms" as Gilda fell to her doom.

Gilda quickly seen what this meant as she got eaten by said worms.

The next morning, Pinkie Pie and Twilight were talking, Pinkie asked, "Last night was pretty crazy, huh Twi?"

"I'm afraid I don't remember any of it." Twilight stated, "Especially the part where an evil spirit used my body to kill a griffon in cold blood."

"You have problems, Twi!"

(THE END)


	2. Episode 1

Episode 1: Pilot

A/N: Welcome back, and now we're into the main show, so let's see what will happen. I once again credit LittleKuriboh for the original which I am basing this on. I also credit Lauren Faust for making me actually have any degree of interest in My Little Pony, let alone being completely obsessed. And I credit Hasbro for the My Little Pony franchise.

(Episode begin)

"Po-Ni-Oh is filmed before a live studio audience." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Ponyville High, where we hear Twilight attempting to talk to her friend, "Equestria to Pinkie! Equestria to Pinkie! Hey, Pinkie, are you in there? It's your move!"

Pinkie then awkwardly used her hoof to set a card on the table, apologising for the inconvenience, "Sorry, Twi. Thinking about some gags makes it difficult to concentrate on card games."

Derpy, who was floating to the side quickly wrapped her forelegs around Pinkie, telling her, "I know, my jokes are pretty crazy too, I'm thinking about changing them."

The unicorn responded with, "By the way, Granny Smith has a super rare card."

Across the room, there was a blue unicorn, known as The Great And Powerful Trixie, who heard this and thought to herself, 'Rare card? That sounds vague enough to be the Blue-Eyes Spike. And due to my role as Kaiba in this story, I obviously have nothing better to do then go check it out.'

(Swipe transition to Sweet Apple Acres)

"Hey, Gran..." began Twilight.

"Who are you callin' old?" An orange earth pony shouted at the unicorn.

"Oh, sorry Applejack." Twilight apologised, "I forgot Granny Smith was at the doctor's today."

"It's about the Blue-Eyes, right?" Applejack quickly asked.

"Yeah, I want to show it to my friends." the purple pony responded.

"Ah'm generally not permitted to show you this sort of stuff, but hey, why not? But only for you." Applejack replied, and put the card in the table.

"What type of name is Blue-Eyes Spike anyway?" Pinkie asked, "It doesn't sound that threatening. Who would want such a card anyway?"

As if on cue, Trixie burst into the building, telling Applejack, "I'm here for your Blue-Eyes old mare, an..."

But before this sentence was finished, Applejack took offense and bucked Trixie out the door. "That Trixie needs to get laid." She commented.

"Big time!" Derpy agreed.

Later that day, Twilight received a letter. The letter read out, 'I kidnapped your fillyfriend and dueled her into submission, now get over here and bring her to the doctor so she can be treated along with your stupid grandma, as I have far too many bits to do that myself."

"Fillyfriend?" Rainbow Dash commented, "But I wasn't kidnapped."

"Obviously somepony who likes using strong frinedships between ponies to make these sorts of jabs. Most likely a coward with no friends."

"And what was your first clue to the writer being a coward. Other than the fact the letter isn't signed."

"Enough chit-chat, time is candy!" Pinkie commented.

Despite never being told where to go, the group somehow made their way to Trixie's location.

"APPLEJACK!" The purple unicorn cried out as soon as she saw her friend.

The orange pony then told her, "Somehow playing a foal's card game has caused me to become very injured."

"That's right!" Trixie stated from across the room, "Now, watch this!" she continued as she tore up the Blue-Eyes Spike card.

"Granny's special rare awesome super card!" cried out Twilight.

"Why do that?" Pinkie shouted.

"So it can never be used against me." Trixie told the party pony.

In that case, why not just tear up every card in existence?" the purple unicorn asked the blue unicorn.

"Shut up and duel me!"

Twilight then used her horn to take Applejack's deck.

Applejack questioned this, "Let me get this straight, sugarcube, I'm injured so you're gonna take mah deck and go play cards with your arch-rival?"

"Pretty much." Was the purple pony's response.

"No wonder your parents are never around." Applejack said.

Suddenly, with no explanation whatsoever, Twilight's mane had gone out of place and she looked like a deranged psycho, stating, "It's time to duel!"

Trixie questioned this, "Wait, did your sanity just drop in the last 5 seconds or something, what in Equestria happened to your mane?"

"Holy Philomeena! Real monsters!" Twilight stated as a giant monster appeared in the area between them.

Trixie explained, "Actually, they're just super advanced illusions made only to enrich the experience of a foal's card game."

A rather shocked Twilight replied, "Okay, seriously, you've got to be (BLEEP)ing kidding me! Who wastes all their magic on something like that?"

Trixie answered, "The same one who's gonna beat your psychotic ancient plot with 3 Blue-Eyes Spikes. That's who!"

"Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's against the rules isn't it?"

"SCREW THE RULES! I'M A PONY WITH LOTS OF MONEY! Now draw your last pathetic card so I can end this, Twilight!"

"Applejack's grandma's deck has no pathetic cards, Trixie! Well, except maybe Parasprite. But it also has this," Twilight told Trixie, before using her magic to pull a card from the deck and showed it to Trixie, "The unstoppable Elements Of Harmony!"

"AAAHHHHH! IMPOSSIBLE!" Trixie shouted, "Nopony's ever been able to activate them!"

"Why, because they're so rare?"

"No, because this game makes no sense, nopony can figure them out!" Trixie answered.

"Except me, that is." responded the purple unicorn. "OBLITERATE!"

The Elements Of Harmony sent out a giant Rainbow that blew up all of Trixie's monsters.

Meanwhile, at the viewing area, there stood an orange filly, she was a pegasus, and she asked, "Big Sis, is it time for my cameo yet?"

Meanwhile, Trixie questioned the activationof Elements Of Harmony. All Twilight had to say was, "Trixie, if you truly wish to know, then talk to the hoof!" as she extended her hoof out and the colours went negative.

Meanwhile, on an island miles away from any civilization, there lived a tan pegasus with the very uncreative name of Pegasus. One of her guards informed her of what had just happened, "Ms. Pegasus, madame, it seems the reigning card game champion has been defeated by a Ms. Twilight Sparkle."

(End of episode)


	3. Episode 2

Episode 2: Stoney VIII

"In tonight's episode, the part of Derpy Hooves will be played by Derpy Hooves." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to a classroom in Ponyville High. A dark blue alicorn was watching the usual card game between Pinkie and Twilight. The alicorn asked, "I say Twi, can I play too?"

"Sorry Luna, mane characters only." A smug looking Twilight answered.

"Playing card games sure beats doing schoolwork." Pinkie commented. "Fancy mathematics just muddy issues. Now just to subtract the Defense points from my Attack points and ummm... Wait, how in Celestia's mane do I do that?"

"It's official, you've had too much Applejack." Rainbow Dash told her.

Later on, outside, Pinkie told Twilight her feelings about the day, "Derpy's unfeatured song taught me a valuable lesson. I need to learn to be a better duelist. You gotta help me out here, Twi."

"Let me see your deck." The unicorn requested. She looked through it and thought, 'Wow, her deck's more powerful than mine. Oh, Dark Magician, I just gotta have that.' She then lied to her friend, "Gee, Pinkie, your cards are worthless. I have an idea, how about I get rid of these and get Granny to set you up with a new super special awesome deck."

"Thanks Twi, you're always looking out for me." The pink pony responded.

Later, in Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was running her forehoofs on a painting, telling it, "Oh, Black Celestian Guard, nopony must ever know of our forbidden love."

Pinkie then asked, "Hey, Applejack, how about getting Granny Smith to train me to become Ponyville card game champ?"

Granny Smith walked out from a storeroom, answering, "Okay, but it requires hours of vigorous off-fic practice."

"Really?" the party pony responded, "I don't even get a training montage?"

"Who do you think you are? Stoney Balbomare?" Granny asked.

The scene switched to a card game arena as an announcer said, "Welcome to the regional championship, where the comic relief villains are having a meaningless duel." as dueling platforms appearing holding two trouble making unicorn colts. The announcer continued, "I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, fillies and gentlecolts, or that there's TV to even air it on!"

"Heh, I love the Card Game Channel." Pinkie announced to the room.

"It's almost as exciting as the Watching Paint Dry Channel." Twilight responded.

"There's a package here for you, Twi." Granny said fro the doorway. "You'd better have not been using my credit card to buy foal's trading cards off Pon-eBay again."

"It's from Industrial Illusions." the unicorn read. "I guess they heard about my victory over Trixie."

"Yeah, those card games are big news." Pinkie told her, and then lampshaded how important card games are in this story, "It completely overshadows the fact she kidnapped and hospitalised Applejack."

On the TV, the duel had ended, and the announcer shouted, "Fillies and gentlecolts, let's hear it for Pegasus!" as Pegasus appeared on the TV, her grey mane shown in all it's glory.

Pegasus walked over to the winner, telling him, "Well done Mr. Snails, here's your trophy. Now let me render this moot by announcing a much bigger contest with a much grander prize up for grabs."

Meanwhile, the mane characters had opened the package, and Twilight put in a videotape that was in the package. Granny Smith said, "I hope it's not one of those popular cursed tapes."

The tape showed an image of Pegasus, she stated, "Seven days. That's right, only seven days until Duelist Kingdom, and in order to make you enter, I'm going to force you to play a shadow game. Win in 15 minutes and I'll release your friends."

Twilight suddenly changed to her psychotic appearance, saying, "That's fine by me, Pegasus. I'll beat you with the cards I stole from... I mean, the cards Pinkie gave me."

Pegasus told her, "You won't beat anypony with that Dragon card." As Pegasus said this, her left eye glowed.

"You can see into my mind?" questioned the unicorn.

"Yes, and I can see we both have a lot in common." Pegasus answered.

"What is that meant to mean?" Twilight suddenly reacted.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Come on, I inhabit Twilight's body, but she isn't underaged, so how can I be a..." began the deranged version of Twilight Sparkle.

"Oh come now, don't be such a silly filly. I was referring to our Millennium Items." Pegasus interrupted.

As this went on, the time had dropped to 5 minutes.

"Now what if I told you I didn't even create this card game? And it's actually based on mystical duels played by an ancient civilisation thousands of years ago?" Pegasus asked.

"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Pegasus?" Twilight quickly asked.

Pegasus went on to speak for as long as she could about the ancient ponies and the fact they used real monsters.

But right as the clock hit 1 second, Twilight suddenly seen what was happening, "Wait, you're just using this monologue to stall for time!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"You cheated!"

"No this strategy..."

"Hey, everpony, Pegasus is a big stinky cheater!"

"Oh, so that's the way it's going to be, is it?" Pegaus asked, now annoyed, and she shot a beam from her Millennium Eye, stating, "Let's see how your grandma does... without her soul! Oooohhhhhh, I'm so ambiguously camp!"

All Twilight could do was panic in front of the TV as an image of Granny Smith faded away.

(End of episode)

A/N: And there's another chapter done. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask in the reviews, if anonymous, I can respond in an author note before the chapter, or if signed, I can PM you the answer. All pony rights are belong to Hasbro.


	4. Episode 3

Episode 3: My Cards Will Go On

"I'm not actually in this episode, has anypony seen my agent?" Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Ponyville High. And as it's the psychotic Twilight Sparkle in the intro, we can justify normal Twilight Sparkle being in the episode. She was standing on the roof, telling herself of the situation, "Well, granny's a drooling vegetable, and now, thanks to Pegasus, she's lost her soul too. I've just gotta save her." Which was followed up by her realising something about her location, telling herself, "But first, I should probably figure out how to get down from here." She then called out, "Hello? A little help here?"

Meanwhile, Pinkie had received her own tape, "Hey, it's another video, I wonder if Pegasus wants my soul too." she said as she put the tape on.

The tape showed a white unicorn who called out, "What's up, big sister?"

Pinkie quickly recognised the unicorn, "It's my sister who looks nothing like me, or if she does, to a rather minimum extent."

The unicorn, named Vinyl Scratch, then told Pinkie her situation, "The doctors have been trying to figure out how we're sisters, they've neglected to treat my eyesight, so I'm going blind." followed up by a farewell of, "Well, see you later. Or not."

Pinkie then thought into herself, 'I guess my soul's not good enough for Pegasus.'

The next morning, Twilight told her friends, "I've decided to accept Pegasus' invitation to travel to her private island where I'll be completely at her mercy. It's a shame ponies with lots of money are immune to the law, or we could just call the cops... In fact, does Ponyville even have cops?"

"I don't know 'bout that." began Pinkie, "But I can say that having a bunch of bits can do terrible things to ponies. It's like that old saying, money is the root of all..."

"Hey, look!" interrupted Derpy, telling her friends, "This tournament has a prize of 3 Million bits."

In a rather hypocritical move, Pinkie grabbed one of the cards, imitating the sound of a cash register, stating, "Duelist Kingdom, here I come!"

Around sundown, Twilight decided to have a bit of deja vu with Pinkie, "Hey, Pinkie, remember the time we became friends?"

"Yeah." responded Pinkie, followed by a flashback to Season 0, with some alterations, as in Twilight was chasing the two as they stole her puzzle box, and Derpy was holding the box on her flank.

Flashback!Twilight shouted at the two thieves, "GIMME BACK MY MILLENIUM PUZZLE, YOU BIG DICKWEEDS!"

All the two offenders had to say was, "We're tormenting you!"

Present!Twilight then told her pink friend, "Actually, Pinkie, I meant the part after that."

"Oh." went Pinkie, "Oh, I remember now."

Flashback!Twilight shouted, "I really mean it, you gals, give it back..."

But her speech was drowned out by a cry of, "We're still tormenting you!"

In the present, the party pony then summed up her thoughts with, "Aahhh, good times."

"No, Pinkie, I meant the time I saved you from that bully." the unicorn responded.

"Oh.. uh, no, I don't remember that part." the pink coated pony told her friend.

"But I was all heroic and stuff!" Twilight said, in an attempt to jog her friend's memory, though why anypony would go on a jog with another pony's memory, I'll never know.

"Hey, remember the time Derpy and I took your millenium puzzle?" asked Pinkie.

In the flashback, this time, all that could be heard were the two voices shouting, "TORMENT!"

"Remind me why we're friends again." Twilight requested.

Later, when the moon was up, the two friends were at the dock, and a young, purple dragon who isn't the star of a trilogy of awesome games on the PS1 despite bearing quite a resemblance to the awesome video game dragon, stood on the ship to Duelist Kingdom, the dragon then announced, "Attention duelists, my scales are telling me it's time for you to board. Anypony without a crazy mane will not be permitted to enter Duelist Kingdom!"

Twilight quickly found herself being under attack by the various security ponies, begging, "But my mane has two colours!"

"Sorry." One of the guard ponies told, "It must at least twice the size of your head to count."

"She's with me!" A voice stated. They turned and Twilight was surprised not to find Pinkie Pie, but her other mane best friend, Rainbow Dash.

The guards were quickly took aback by her rainbow mane, declaring, "Wow, your mane's crazy enough for two ponies, okay, she can go."

"Thanks, Rainbow" Twilight thanked her friend, "Your mane really is crazy, what's your secret?" she asked.

"L'OREAL, because I'm worth it." replied the cyan pegasus.

The same sort of incident happened with Pinkie Pie, only she got Derpy on with her.

A white unicorn mare wearing glasses walked up to Twilight, asking, "Is that a Lightforce Sword in your saddlebag, or are you just happy to see me?"

Rainbow Dash had switched positions with Pinkie Pie to talk with Derpy, so Pinkie Pie was with Twilight at this point, she giggled and said, "Check it out, Twi, it's a pair of glasses attached to a mare."

"The name's Rarity." the unicorn responded, it was at this point that Twilight had noticed how crazy Rarity's mane was, it was a dark purple, and appeared to twist at the tips. "It's a pity my name isn't a sort of pun." Rarity continued, "But then again, I guess not everything can be replicated in a ponyfication."

Pinkie Pie was too busy ogling at Rarity's glasses to listen to this.

"I'll shatter you when we get to the island." Rarity told Pinkie.

"Along with your glasses, right?" Pinkie questioned.

On the other end of the ship, Rainbow seemed to be having a problem, "What's wrong, RD?" Derpy asked.

"I need to use the little fillies room." Rainbow answered, before stating her problem was, "But the lady who voices me won't admit it."

"In a few hours, the sun will rise." the wall-eyed pegasus told her rainbow-maned friend.

"What the (BLEEP) does that mean?" Rainbow quickly lunged at Derpy.

Shortly, Rainbow noticed a dark blue coated pony walking to the side of the deck, "Hey, isn't that Luna?" she questioned.

Derpy asked, "You mean that alicorn mare from school?"

Rainbow asked the more obvious question, "What is she doing here?"

"Who cares?" Derpy responded, "She's not even a mane character."

Meanwhile, in a state room, there sat Snips, the loser of the last episode's card game, who reacted, "Woah!" to Rarity entering the room. "Come to Snips!"

Rarity made an offer, as she used her horn to take her deck out of her saddlebag, "Tell you what, Snips, if I win this duel, I get to use your room, but if I lose, you get to kiss me."

Snips showed his lack of intelligence by reacting to the idea of being kissed with, "Cool, then I won't be a virgin anymore."

Snails was laughing on the other side of the ship, where Pinkie and Twilight were, and Snails then asked, "Hey, Twilight, like, gimme your cards or something!"

"Well, you're obviously evil." Twilight responded, then continued with, "But I see no reason not to trust you."

"Say goodbye to your elements!" Snails stated as he sent the cards overboard with his horn, he then walked away laughing.

"Holy cow, I never saw that coming!" Twilight stated with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"I'll save them!" Announced Pinkie as she dived into the sea. "Must.. risk... life... for cards..." was all Pinkie could get out of her mouth as she swam for the Elements Of Harmony cards.

But this failed, and Pinkie began to sink, Twilight then jumped in to get her friend, she got a hold of the party pony, then a ladder came down, and Derpy told them, "Hey, get a room, you two!"

Inside the ship, Snips was bucked out of his room with a shout of, "Get out loser!" from Rarity.

Snips was dazed by the experience, asking himself, "Did I just score?"

Meanwhile, Rainbow was comforting her friends by telling them, "I'm sorry you almost drowned, girls."

Derpy then said, "If it's any consolation, the sun will be up in a few hours."

"I can't believe I didn't save your cards." Pinkie told her friend, "Compared to this, my sister's approaching blindness seems like a minor inconvenience."

"Your sister?" a shocked Twilight asked, "How come you never mentioned that sub-plot before?"

"My parents got divorced a long time ago." the earth pony explained, "Because I tried teaching her how to drive, even though that shouldn't be possible, considering the hooves."

In a flashback, Vinyl shouted, "Pinkie, stop this crazy thing!"

Flashback!Pinkie told her sister, "Apply the handbrake, you silly filly!"

Derpy thought into herself about Pinkie's sister, 'If she's going blind, I might have a chance with her.'

"We'll both do our best, Pinkie." the unicorn encouraged her friend, "You for your sister, and me for Granny Smith."

"I'm not sure why I even bother coming." Rainbow stated.

"Hey, look! I was right about the sun." Derpy told her friends as she looked into the horizion.

(End of episode)

So, next, the tournament begins. I still have none of the rights to My Little Pony. I am simply using them for fun and no profit. See you all next time.


	5. Episode 4

Episode 4: Mare Of The Cards

For once, we didn't start with a quote from psychotic Twilight Sparkle as cards circled her, instead, we were shown an intro for a show called 'Snips & Snails', starring the two unicorn colts, Snips and Snails, the episode of their show was called, 'Heh-heh, you said 'Pony-Eating' Bug!'

We cut to the ship docking at Pegasus' island, as Pinkie commented, "Wow, an entire island, all to ourselves, it's sort of like that book, Duke Of The Flies, only with a lot less sub-text and a lot more card games."

"Wasn't that the movie with the evil ring and the hobbits?" Derpy asked Rainbow Dash.

"Why would any of those things be on this island, you idiot!" Rainbow responded.

(A title card appears which has text saying, 'Don't know about hobbits, but look around Luna's neck' and below was a picture of Luna wearing a large ring as a necklace.)

"I sure hope nopony notices we're trespassing." Derpy said, in normal speaking voice, as they passed the security guards.

"Hey!" A security guard yelled.

"Oh, the irony!" Derpy stated as she thought she was caught.

But as it turned out, the guard had something else to say, "Quit drawing attention to yourself, you barely qualify as a sidekick!"

Pinkie then sneezed, and Twilight told her, "You wouldn't have caught that if it hadn't been for Snails."

Pinkie responded, "Actually, I wouldn't have caught it if you hadn't been a naïve moron and handed her your most powerful cards."

"No, it was definitely Snails." Twilight replied, "He threw Granny Smith's cards into the ocean, and I'll never be able to forgive him."

"Sort of like the time Pinkie threw away a piece of your Millenium Puzzle." Derpy commented.

"Yeah." Agreed the earth pony, "But she forgave me for that, right Twi?"

"Sure, Pinkie, sure." Twilight said in a sarcastic tone, with an angry glare.

A flashback of Pinkie throwing away a piece of the puzzle in Season 0 began, as the Kill Bill theme song played.

Spike then shouted, "Attention duelists, if you could all stop staring at my scales for a moment, you'll see that Pegasus' castle is just behind me, please climb the unnecessarily long staircase to meet your host."

As they climbed up, Rainbow Dash stated, "My allie senses are tingling."

"What is it, Rainbow?" Twilight asked.

"I thought I saw Luna again." the cyan pegasus replied, pointing at the forest with her hoof.

"Maybe we should go check." Pinkie Pie suggested, "She is our friend after all."

"And let her come into my precious screen time? No way!" the unicorn responded, "Besides, it's not like she's a mane character or anything."

As this was being said, we seen that Luna was watching, and seemed to be planning something.

On top of the stairs, a random background pony told his friend, "Hey, check out all the obligatory cameos. Snips and Snails. Pipsqueak the Pirate."

Another background pony asked, "But where's the reigning champion, The Great And Powerful Trixie?"

"Didn't you hear?" Another background pony started, "She was barred from the tournament because her name wasn't stupid enough."

Then, on the balcony of the castle, there stood Pegasus, announcing, "Welcome to the Duelist Kingdom. Let me assure you that this tournament is 100% genuine, and is in no way a ruse thrown together at the last second to get my hands on an ancient artefact."

"It needs to be about 20% more genuine." Rainbow whispered into Twilight's ear.

Pegasus continued, "To advance to the finals and have a chance at 3 Million bits, you must each win Star Chips by betting them on card games, remember foals, gambling is good for you."

Later, in a field, Pinkie Pie told her friends, "Now that my cold is instantly cleared up, I can't wait to win this tournament and the prize money."

"So you can pay for the operation, right?" Twilight asked.

"What operation?" the party pony asked.

"The one your sister's getting." the unicorn replied.

"What sister?" the pink pony responded.

"Look, there's Snails!" Rainbow told them.

"Snails, I challenge you to a..." Twilight began, but she found her enemy running away.

"Hey, he's running away!" Pinkie told them.

"Thanks for that save, Captain Obvious." Twilight sarcastically told the earth pony. Then the group gave chase, as Twilight commented, "It's almost as if Snail's doesn't want to play a card game with me."

"Actually, dumbass, I was just leading you into this vague trap or something." Snails told her, then started laughing.

The Millenium Puzzle glowed as the purple unicorn announced, "Super special awesome ultra special crazy transformation sequence, GO!" as she turned into her psychotic self.

"I'm back, baby!" the psychotic unicorn announced.

Applejack appeared out of nowhere to ask, "Who are you calling a baby?" then disappeared just as suddenly as she appeared.

Snails laughed, and told her opponent, "Two can play at that game, you foalish foal!"

The ground rumbled, as Twilight reacted, "Sweet mother of Faust, he's transforming too, but who or what is he becoming?"

Snails then stated in a very strange voice, "I am Cornholio, I need T.P. for my plothole." before laughing again.

The purple unicorn then told her opponent, "It's time to duel, you strange, silly colt."

"Are you threatening me?" Asked Snails, still in the strange voice, but he went back to normal as he said, "I summon my Generic Insect."

As Twilight used a spell card of a unicorn horn, Rainbow asked, "What's with all the phallic imagery?"

"What are you saying, Rainbow?" Asked Pinkie, "There isn't anything even remotely suspect about this duel."

Twilight then announced, "Now, watch in awe, as my knight's mighty lance penetrates your moist cocoon!"

"Huh. I guess you're right." Rainbow responded to the party pony.

Derpy turned to see Rarity, and said, "Look, glasses have arrived."

Rarity told them, "You don't stand a chance, Twilight is not nearly experienced enough."

Rainbow told the white unicorn, "Compared to friendship and compassion, experience is meaningless."

"Keep telling yourself that. What are you, a virgin or something?" Rarity retorted.

Rainbow annoyingly shouted, "BITCH! I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!"

The cyan Pegasus was held back by Pinkie Pie who asked them, "Would you please stop talking about sex? I'm trying to oggle Rarity's glasses."

Right at this point, the purple unicorn said, "Now I activate Deus Ex Machima!"

Snails pointed at that this was unfair, "Hey, no fair, you can't use spell cards on my turn!"

"Tell it to the writing staff." The psychotic unicorn retorted. "Summoned Skull, destroy his Mothra imitation!"

Everypony cheered at the victory, "YAY! We were totally ineffectual!"

Snails looked down at the illusion of his destroyed monster, all he could say was, "I lost, and stuff."

Twilight walked up telling her opponent, "Maybe next time, you'll thing twice before forcing somepony to part with their valuables. Now hoof over your star chips and kiss my hind hoofs!"

Snails then had but one thing to say, "Damnit! This card game sucks!"

The purple pony told him, "Settle down, plotmunch!"

(End of episode)


	6. Episode 5

Episode 5 – My Funny Marentine

The episode began slightly differently again, as we seen a picture of psychotic Twilight holding a box of cereal with her horn, and she said, "Po-Ni-Oh is sponsored by Ponios, they're Ponylicious... Wait, is that even a word?"

"It lets the foals know that they're tasty." Pinkie replied.

"Yeah, but Ponylicious? Are they supposed to taste like ponies or something?" Twilight asked, "How do you go about testing that? Besides.. the... obvious method, of course."

The director then annoying told her, "Just.. say... the line... you... AMATEUR!"

"Fine." Twilight responded, "Ponios, apparently they're Ponylicious. Okay, now where's my (BLEEP)ing paycheck?"

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

We open to a shot of Duelist Kingdom, as Pinkie Pie said, "Even though I'm the clear underdog in this tournament, the fact that I'm a mane character pretty much assures my place in the finals."

Rainbow retorted to Pinkie's statement with, "Yes, but the fact you're a comic relief character means you can't possibly win."

After Pinkie fell from the shock of hearing this, Twilight covered it up by claiming, "She's just overexcited because this is the first episode that actually revolves around her character."

"I can't wait for my own episode!" Derpy said in response to this.

Crickets were heard chirping, and Derpy then asked, "It's never gonna happen, is it?"

"Does the word, 'Cat' mean anything to you?" Rainbow asked.

At this point, Pinkie Pie went into a flashback with the thought, 'It's at times like this that I actually miss hanging around with my sister.'

In the flashback, Vinyl asked, "Where are we, Pinkie? Where are you taking me, big sister?"

"To the beach." Flashback!Pinkie responded, "That's what you wanted, right?"

Vinyl responded, "Actually, I'd much rather be home scratching some records."

"We're going to the beach!" Pinkie responded, now sounding slightly annoyed.

Vinyl then told her, "Pinkie, you're Equestria's best sister, maybe one day, you'll win a card game tournament to fix my eyesight."

"Sorry, I didn't hear that." Pinkie replied, "I just still don't get how two earth ponies have a unicorn daughter."

"I love you, Pinkie." Vinyl told her sister.

"Nope, didn't catch that either." Pinkie replied.

"Can we go home now?" Vinyl asked.

Pinkie then said the final line in the flashback, "Stop talking you silly filly!"

Back in the present, Pinkie thought to herself, 'I promised you, sis, I promised I'd win the prize money, then we'd be able to afford logic lessons, and we'll learn how you became a unicorn, like the tutors would.'

"You lost, wannabe, now give me your Star Chips!" A distant voice yelled.

"Since there's only one familiar mare not in our group on this island, that must be Rarity!" Rainbow Dash told her friends.

"What about Luna?" asked Derpy.

"Why care? She's hardly a minor character at this point!" Rainbow responded.

At the nearby duel arena, a white coated, red-eyed unicorn stallion wearing a red cape was trying to talk about how unfair he thought Rarity's victory was, "It's not fair, I thought my dark powers could kick in and help me in this duel!"

"Isn't it a bit unfair for hot mares to go around beating cameo characters at card games?" Pinkie questioned.

"Wow, Twi." Rarity began, "You have a horn which goes through your mane, I like that in a mare."

This annoyed Rainbow Dash, who shouted in a weird voice, "BACK OFF BITCH! SHE'S MINE!"

"My glasses challenge you to a duel." Rarity told the pink earth pony.

Pinkie Pie shouted, "Samurai Warrior Stallion, attack her pegasus aerobics instructor!"

"Wait, Pinkie!" Twilight called out, before explaining, "In this episode, flying monsters have an advantage over land-based monsters for no adequately explored reason." As she said this, the pegasus aerobics instructor destroyed the Samurai Warrior Stallion.

"How did you summon that monster without even looking at your cards?" Pinkie quickly questioned.

"I have ESP!" replied Rarity.

"Woooaaaaahhhhhh, too much information!" Pinkie told the white unicorn.

"ESP! Not PMS!" Rarity shouted, rather annoyed at this mistake.

"Oh, so you're psychic?"

"Bingo! And it's not a trick, so don't bother trying to figure it out?"

Suddenly, Pinkie had a set of strong smells enter her nostrils, "Wait a minute, you just sprayed your cards with perfume!"

Rarity reacted rather shockingly, "No way! How could an amateur like you see through my aroma strategy?"

Pinkie told her, "It's a good thing I still don't have that cold from the previous episode, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to notice something like that."

"Pinkie needs help Twi!" Rainbow told the purple unicorn, "Transform into your crazy alter-ego!"

"Tatatatatata! Crazy POWWWEEEERRRRRR!"

The psychotic Twilight told her friend, "Don't let her glasses distract you, Pinkie, you can defeat her! Her cards share one very distinct weakness."

"What's that?" Pinkie asked.

Twilight explained, "They've all been censored by 4Foals."

"That's right!" Pinkie said, "With the power of 4Foals and sexism, I can win this duel!"

"Are you dumb?" Twilgiht asked.

"What?" Pinkie questioned.

"How can it be sexism if you're both mares?"

"Then we'll just pretend that never happened." Pinkie decided, and then continued the duel, "Time Roulette, GO!"

An anthropomorphic clock appeared, and held it's staff in the air, and there was a swirl, and standing on the field was an old looking dragon.

Pinkie then ordered her new monster, "Thousand Spike, destroy all three of her Harpies at once!"

As the dragon attacked, Derpy asked, "Doesn't anypony in this tournament know the rules to this game?"

"How could I lose... to such an amateur?" Rarity asked.

"I don't know about that, but is it just me, or does 'amateur' seem to be used quite a bit in this episode?" Pinkie replied.

"Well done, Pinkie!" Twilight congratulated her friend, "You've just won your first real duel, just remember that you're nothing without me."

"HOORAY FOR CENSORSHIP!" Pinkie shouted as the 4Foals logo appeared above her.

An image of a familiar blue unicorn appeared, as the text said, "Guess who's back next episode?"

(End of episode)

A/N: For those that want to know, the stallion that Rarity had beaten was a ponified version of Soma Cruz from the Castlevania games, he's a unicorn to represent his power to dominate the souls of his enemies, which is the dark power he mentioned, he has a white coat to represent his white clothing in the games, and has red eyes and a red cape because he's the reincarnation of Dracula. I''' see you for the next episode.


	7. Episode 6

Episode 6: Everypony Hates Pipsqueak

**A/N: Sorry for a lack of updates, but I broke my foot, and have been left confined to my sofa bed, but lately, I've been able to hop over to the computer and work on this, hope you understand, I'd never leave my fans hanging. Also, Derpy got a speaking part in the latest episode, you know what this calls for? A PARTY!**

"Actually, my anthropomorphic self does smoke Marijuana, she claims it's goooooddd stuff!" Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to the coast of Duelist Kingdom, where Twilight was telling the colt that they were with, "Thanks for sharing your fish with us Pipsqueak."

Pinkie Pie whispered into her friends ear, "What happened to a ponies diet being completely vegetarian, as my share and care song said?"

"Well, Pipsqueak is a pirate, and he was nice enough to share his food, so it's really a 'just this once' case." Twilight whispered back.

Pipsqueak chuckled and told the friends, "Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from."

"We should probably get going." Twilight told her friends as they left.

"Leaving so soon, are we?" Pipsqueak questioned, then he picked up a harpoon in his teeth.

"What a swell guy." Derpy commented, as they went off.

"I like that he does some pretty cool stuff." Rainbow said.

Twilight looked back just in time to narrowly avoid the harpoon.

"Holy (BLEEP) on a (BLEEP) sandwich." Derpy shockingly reacted.

"Did.. did... did you just throw a harpoon at me?" the unicorn asked, still in horror at what had just happened.

"Well, um.. I didn't want you to leave, and I didn't know how to get your attention." Pipsqueak explained.

"Just ask." Twilight told him, a British accent beginning to show, "Just say, 'Hey Twi, could you stay a little longer?' Don't lob a (BLEEP)ing harpoon at me, seriously, that's like the rudest thing ever." she continued, the accent no longer showing, although I don't know how an accent could show, as it's a sound.

"Hey, Twi, could you stay a little longer?" Pipsqueak asked.

"Well, it isn't going to work now, not after you almost gave me a side piercing!" Twilight replied, the accent beginning to creep back in.

"I'm not entirely sure what to say." Pipsqueak then stated.

"Maybe it would be best if we just left." Twilight suggsted.

"No hard feelings about the harpoon incident, right?" Pipsqueak asked.

"Get bent you freaky fish colt!" Pinkie shouted back.

"I'm not a freaky fish colt!" Pipsqueak shouted, looking ready to throw the harpoon again.

"Pipsqueak's a freaky fish colt!" The gang all sang together.

Pipsqueak then turned and said, "At least the ocean will never leave me, right ocean?

There was a silence, followed by him asking, "Why don't you ever answer me, ocean?"

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

The theme of Missiln Impossible played, as we seen a tower of Pegasus' castle, at the window, there was a poorly disguised Scootaloo, and she flapped her wings and tried to fly out the window, and then there was a record scratch, accompanied with a split-second image of Vinyl Scratch, as Scootaloo remembered that she couldn't fly.

"I should have thought this through!" the orange filly screamed as she fell into a set of trees, saying in pain, "Ow, my neck!" before emerging from the base of a hedge, telling herself, "I'm sure glad I'm a talking, cartoon, candy-coloured, pony."

Meanwhile, the mane characters were talking about what just happened, Twilight said, "That Pipsqueak was a (BLEEP)ing pyscho."

"It's enough to make you appreciate that Pegasus filly." Pinkie Pie commented.

"Attention, duelists!" they heard Spike announce, and they seen him grabbing a pink colt, as he said, "My scales are assaulting you!"

Derpy then declared, "I'm actually going to do something for once." As she flew towards the dragon, before bucking him away, before saying, "My voice gives me super strength!"

"Yes, but my scales give me the power to defy gravity." Spike retorted as he defied gravity to give the blonde-maned pegasus a flying kick.

"Oh, the pain!" Derpy said as she fell to the ground.

"I somehow found out that this foal doesn't have any star chips, so I'm throwing him off the island." Spike announced as he took the colt away.

"Cool, let's go watch." Derpy decided.

Spike threw the loser into a boat, Snails was also there, and told the new eliminated participant, "Stop rocking the boat, plotmunch!"

The colt told the guards, "But I didn't lose my starchips, they were stolen from me, I swear it on the life of my pink coat."

"Don't worry, we'll get your star chips." the purple unicorn told the colt.

"You'll bring back to me?" the colt asked.

"I never said that." Twilight responded.

A familiar filly appeared, still in a bad disguise, announcing, "Thanks to this awesome disguise, you'll never figure out my identity."

The party pony could instantly recognise the filly, "Hey, it's Trixie's little sister who happens to be a different species to her."

"You'll pay for what you did to my sister!" Scootaloo told Twilight, as she entered the dueling platform.

A flashback played, "What's wrong, Trixie?" Scootaloo asked her sister.

Trixie then said, "They wrote my character out of the show, Scootaloo."

"No way!" the orange pegasus reacted, "You're Twilight Sparkle's arch-rival."

"And I haven't been in a single episode since she defeated me, as she's the mane character, she thinks she can hog all the screen time for herself." the blue pony responded, "I mean, look at Luna."

"Who the hay's Luna?" Scootaloo asked.

"Exactly." Trixie responded, "Now I'm going to hide somewhere, so you guard my billion bit company while I'm gone, 'k, thanks."

"But Trixie, what if an evil group tries to take over during your absence?" Scootaloo asked, trying to reason with her sister.

Trixie, obviously too cocky to worry about this, told her sister, "Oh come on, what are the odds of that happening?"

We switch to Pegasus, who was with a certain group, conversing with them, "Now, let me get this straight, since The Great And Powerful Trixie is gone, your evil group wants to take over her company?"

"That's right!" the members of the evil group announced simultaneously.

"I (BLEEP)ing knew it!" Scootaloo told herself.

In the present day, Psycho!Twilight asked, "For the love of Celestia, are we going to duel or stand around having flashbacks?".

"Thanks to you, Pegasus foalnapped me." Scootaloo responded as she had another flashback, before switching back to the present, continuing, "And my sister's company is about to took over."

"All because I beat her in a card game?" the unicorn asked.

"That's right!" the pegasus responded.

"You're some kind of moron, you know that?"

"A moron who has all your star chips!" Scootaloo said as she somehow picked up the star chips with her hoof.

"Damn, that kid is fast." commented the purple pony.

"Stealing makes everything better." the filly stated.

"Wait, Scootaloo! You mustn't do this thing, what would your sister say if she could see you now?" the unicorn told the orange pegasus.

In Scootaloo's head, she heard Trixie say, "Well done, Scootaloo, now steal something from Pinkie too."

"Okay, but what if she wasn't a complete douchebag?" asked Twilight.

Scootaloo then decided, "You're right, Twilight. I'll return all the star chips, just as long as you let my sister back in the fanfic."

"That's fine by me." agreed the unicorn.

"And maybe you could give Luna a bigger role, too." Scootaloo said.

"Don't push your luck!" the purple pony disagreed.

Meanwhile, at somewhere, Trixie was telling herself as she read a book on magic, "I've designed this illusion spell to help me defeat Twilight, I'm certain these parlour tricks will overcome her powerful magic."

2 dragons appeared behind her, with their claws wrapped around nothing, one of them declared, "Don't move, or we'll shoot you with our invisible guns!"

Trixie bucked a chair at them before jumping out the window, declaring, "I'm too rich to die!"

"There's no way she could have survived that fall." one of the dragons said.

"Actually, I seem to be perfectly fine." Trixie replied.

"Nope, she's definitely dead." concluded the dragon.

"You guys are idiots!" Trixie shouted.

"At least we're not dead, like you." the dragon mocked.

"You'd better not be stealing my deck up there." Trixie called out.

The dragon took Trxie's Blue-Eyes, saying, "She doesn't need this, now that she's deceased."

At Duelist Kingdom, Scootaloo told a generic dragon, "We got the star chips."

"Rejected!" declared the dragon as he knocked all the star chips into the ocean, before grabbing the filly, telling the crowd, "I'm sure glad I took those foal grabbing classes."

"Unhand her, nameless dragon!" Twilight said!

Nameless Dragon then told her, "Meet me at the dueling field in a few hours, then we'll discuss this."

**(Time passes)**

At the field, it was now Spike instead of Nameless Dragon, he announced "Attention duelists! I'm still not going to unhand her!"

"What a pointless interlude." Derpy commented, as the scrolled to a familiar blue unicorn, but her coat was a darker shade than normal.

"Wait!" Rainbow Dash told her friends, "That looks like Trixie!"

Trixie then challenged her rival to a foals card game with the words, "This time, Twilight, you don't stand a ghost of a chance!"

"Oh no!" reacted Derpy, "She has even less personality than before!"

**(To be continued...)**


	8. Episode 7

Episode 7: Cliffhanger

"Previously on Po-Ni-Oh." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Rainbow Dash telling Twilight, "Twi, I think I'm pregnant, and you're the other mother."

We see Pinkie opening a letter and being shocked, before sending another letter saying, 'Derpy, don't leave me!'

Derpy sent another letter, saying, 'Sorry Pinkie, it's just not working out between us.'

Pinkie sent a letter saying, 'But I love you!'

Rainbow told Twilight, "Twi, I think I'm pregnant, and Snails is the father."

Twilight was then shocked as she realised, "Granny Smith, so you're the one who made Derpy into Cupcakes!"

Granny Smith then responded, "Yes, it was I!"

Rainbow told Twilight, "Twi, I think I'm pregnant, and Luna's the..."

"No (BLEEP)ing way!" Twilight interupted.

"Okay, I lied about that part." Rainbow then admitted.

Trixie then challenged her rival to a foals card game with the words, "This time, Twilight, you don't stand a ghost of a chance!"

Derpy then told Twilight, "Twi, I think I'm pregnant, and your crazy alter-ego is the other mother."

Psycho!Twilight then finished the scene with the words, "And now, the thrilling conclusion, wait, did any of that stuff actually happen?"

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

We open to the dueling field, where Spike announced, "Attention duelists! My scales have foalnapped this filly! If you want her back, you must beat The Great And Powerful Trixie's ghost in a duel!"

Twilight, still in her psychotic self, asked, "Wait, so Trixie came back just to play a card game with me?"

"Yes." Spike answered.

"Either this is a trick, or this fanfic is dumber than I thought." Twilight then said.

"It's true, Twilight." Trixie then responded, "My desire for revenge was so strong it allowed me to come back from the dead."

"Okay, time out. Does anypony really think she's a ghost?" Twilight asked.

"I do!" announced Derpy.

"Anypony besides Derpy?" Twilight reworded the question.

Derpy shouted "I do!"

"Your point is?" Trixie asked.

Twilight then answered, "My point is that you're not a ghost! No effing way."

Trixie then retorted, "So explain how I have this, the Hitosu-Me Giant!"

"Oh yeah." Twilight sarcastically responded, "That is sssooooo convincing."

"Look, I'm a ghost, okay?" Trixie asked, now annoyed.

Twilight retorted, "If you're a ghost, then I'm straight!"

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the island, Trixie was hiding amongst the trees, monologuing, "Now that Pegasus thinks I'm dead, I can work on redeeming my character in the fans eyes." Confirming that it wasn't Trixie that Twilight was fighting, so Twilight isn't straight.

Trixie then announced, "Into the Trixiecave!" As she pulled a chain with her teeth, then she went through the trapdoor she opened, before pulling a book in the caves bookshelf, which moved the shelf. While this happened, the Batstallion theme played.

"Hello, Ms. Trixie, I'm your inappropriately voiced computer system." The inappropriately voiced computer system said.

"Great." Trixie commented sarcastically, "I have to spend the whole episode with something that shouldn't even exist in this world." before continuing, "Even though computers shouldn't exist, Pegasus also has them, and I'm going to break into them with my leet hackzor skills, which I shouldn't have as computer's shouldn't exist." as she said this, she started pressing keys over and over in the same order.

The computer then lampshaded this, "Looks like you're just pressing the same keys over and over again."

"That's because I learned how to hack by watching old episodes of Space Trick." Trixie responded.

The computer then said, "Since I'm such an advanced computer system, I can make Pegasus' computers look like a really boring video game that shouldn't exist in this universe."

But then, the image on the computer changed to a familiar blue void with text talking about a problem. Trixie reacted, "Ah, the BSOD! My mortal enemy!"

On the surface, Trixie(?) used her lame pun again, "You don't stand a ghos..."

"How many times are you going to use that line?" Twilight interrupted, now annoyed at the overuse of a pun that wasn't even funny.

A black screen appeared with the words, 'Honestly, they use that pun way to much, see for yourself.'

Scenes from the original played, first, Trixie(?) challenged her rival to a foals card game with the words, "It's me, The Great And Powerful Trixie, and this time, you don't stand a ghost of a chance."

Spike then said, "This time, Twilight, you don't stand a ghost of a chance against Trixie, since this time she is a ghost."

A black screen appeared with the show's logo, and underneath were the words, 'Where bad puns go to die.'

Trixie(?) started pretending to be a ghost, and was stopped by Twilight, shouting in an annoyed voice, "Oh stop it, you're not fooling anypony!"

"It's a ghost!" shouted Derpy.

"Derpy doesn't count." Twilight reworded her last line.

"That's not my sister!" Scootaloo said, "Everypony says she's bad, but it's not true."

Twilight responded by listing everything Trixie done, "She stole Granny Smith's favourite card, put her in hospital, and left you at the mercy of some evil group." Before summing everything up, "Face it, your sister's a giant prick."

Underground, the real Trixie then declared what she was about to do as her horn glowed, "Even though I'm her arch-rival, I'm going to use this spell to help her win, finally, reading up on those cheap parlour tricks pays off."

The computer commented, "You really do need to get laid."

"Listen!" responded Trixie, "No matter what appears in fanfics, I am not in love with Twilight Sparkle, she is my arch-rival, not a secret crush!"

"I never said with who." The computer replied.

"I just thought you would assume that since you're a computer, so you're flooded with all that Twixe info." Trixie explained.

"See, you're not a ghost at all!" Twilight said to Trixie(?) as she performed a weird morphing animation thingy, "You're some kind of gay clown, apparently!" she continued as the morphing animation exploded into a gay clown.

"Ew, it's slightly more repulsive than regular clowns." Rainbow commented.

The clown explained, "Actually, I'm not a gay clown, I'm Trixie's evil side brought back from the Shadow Realm by Pegasus."

Twilight commented, "That's even less believable than the ghost story." And asked, "You don't even know what you are, do you?"

"No." Trixie(?) answered.

"Didn't think so." Twilight replied.

**MIND CRUSH!**

"Did I just kill a gay clown?" Twilight asked.

Derpy then said, "That ghost didn't scare me."

Twilight then reused an overused line, "She didn't stand, a ghost of a chance."

Sarcastic laughing came from all around the arena.

"Hey, what happened to Scootaloo?" Pinkie asked.

"Who cares?" Twilight asked.

A black screen appeared with a picture of an alicorn, with the words, 'Her time is at hand.' and at the bottom, in brackets, 'We're all going to die.'

(End of episode)

A/N: For an explanation of the opening, this takes an idea from a fanfic called 'Why Ditzy Doo Loves Muffins'. The idea is that there's a small chance of two mares getting pregnant if one is a unicorn through magic, this also takes my personal take on this idea that the same can happen with alicorns, but as they have higher magic powers, the chance is higher. See you next episode.


	9. Episode 8

Episode 8: The Story Thinnens

"Po-Ni-Oh is a production of the bronies fanfiction workshop." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Duelist Kingdom, where the sun was setting, as Pinkie commented, "It's sure a shame Scootaloo got foalnapped again, if we'd been paying the slightest bit of attention, it probably never would have happened."

Twilight, now back to normal, responded, "Oh, she's kidnapped about once a week, I'm sure she's used to it by now."

Meanwhile, Scootaloo was chained up in Pegasus' dungeon, commenting, "This feels like two certain bad fanfics."

Back with the mane cast, Twilight then decided, "Come on, let's play more card games."

"Look," said Pinkie, "Some idiot dropped her cards."

"Hooves off," Derpy said, sounding completely different, "Those are mine."

"Derpy, what in Equestria happened to your voice?" Pinkie asked.

"It sounds all weird and stuff." Twilight continued.

"What are you talking about? This always how I've sounded." Derpy responded, still in the dreaded other Derpy voice.

"That voice needs to be about 20% cooler." Rainbow commented.

"What happened to the Derpy I knew and loved?" Pinkie asked, before crying out, "This is unacceptable!"

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

"It's sure good to know my friends are backing me up." Pinkie said.

"I don't know." commented Derpy, "I think we should duel some 3-year olds."

Rainbow then responded, "She'd be better facing a dueling cat."

"You are the worst friends ever!" Pinkie shouted in their faces.

Rarity appeared and greeted the party pony, "Hello, Diane, happy to see me?"

"Yes, talking spectacles," answered Pinkie, "I'm very happy to see you."

"Say hello to your next opponent." Rarity told Pinkie, standing behind her was Snips.

"It's Snips!" Twilight announced, "He was a regional finalist."

Snips started giggling like the colt he was, "You said region."

"I foalishly accept this challenge." Pinkie agreed to the duel.

"Don't do it, Pinkie, he'll wipe the floor with you." Derpy tried to restrain her friend.

"It is implied I am bucking you." Pinkie responded offscreen as Rarity, Rainbow and Twilight got shocked expressions.

"Gasp!" reacted Rainbow.

"Hey, no fair!" Derpy called cheating, "You can't buck me while I'm offscreen!"

Pinkie retorted, "I was offscreen too, so nopony can say I did, besides, you deserved it for changing your voice." before adding to the end, "Ditzy!"

"Good luck winning this card game without my help." Derpy said as she left.

"Yeah," responded Pinkie, "'cause you're usually such an important character."

"Just remember our deal, Snips." reminded Rarity, before adding the warning, "And watch out for her Time Wizard."

"I'm gonna find Derpy." Twilight told Rainbow before running off.

Rainbow muttered under her breath, "I love it when she abandons me."

Derpy had pulled a cloud down from the sky and appeared to be trying to drown herself in it, saying, "Must.. wash... away... the... sin... even though there technically is no sin in this universe."

"Hey Derpy, what's up?" asked Twilight.

"Twi, why are you here instead of helping Pinkie?" Derpy asked in response.

"She doesn't need my help, it's her coming of age episode where she proves she's a real mare by winning a foal's card game without me." Twilight answered.

"Well, I guess I can forgive her, after all, she has a pretty sister." Derpy decided.

"That's what true friendship is all about." Twilight commented.

By this time, Pinkie was about to win, and her next action was going to render Rarity's warning moot, "TIME ROLETTE, GO!"

Snips laughed, commenting about his dragon, which was now a statue, "My dragon's stoned."

"Well done, Pinkie." Twilight congratulated, "The heart of the cards came through thanks to your belief."

Pinkie responded, "Actually, it was more like dumb luck."

"Same difference." Twilight said.

Meanwhile, Rarity was on a cliff, telling herself, "Now that I'm alone, nothing can possibly go wrong."

But then, a magical glow appeared around the white unicorn, which pulled her into the bushes, and a voice said, "It's raping time!"

In a clearing of the woods, a rustle was heard by the mane characters, Rainbow stated the obvious, "There's something in the bushes."

A blue alicorn emerged, with ominous chanting. White text appeared saying, 'Cue screaming fanbronies'

"Hello guys," she began, "It's me, Luna, I've been stalking you for the past 5 episodes, I hope that doesn't seem too suspicious."

"Do we know you?" asked the party pony.

"She does seem familiar somehow." the wall-eyed pegasus replied.

"What's the deal with her inappropriate structure?" asked Pinkie. (Inappropriate structure=Alicorn)

A close-up occurred of Luna, as more chanting began.

"Let's all compare ourselves to our cards to set up a story for the next episode." Twilight suggested.

"I'm the Flame Swordsmare." Pinkie said.

"I'm the Cyber Commander." Derpy said.

"I'm the Magician Of Loyalty." Rainbow said.

"And I'm Dark Magician." Twilight said, before asking, "What about you Luna?"

"This is my favourite card." said Luna as she showed a card with an old stallion surrounded by fire, as more ominous chanting played, Luna then said, "Whoops, wrong one." before showing another card, "Here we go, Change Of Heart." she then offered, "If you want to know how it works, we could have a duel right now."

More ominous chanting began.

"That sounds innocent enough." agreed Twilight.

Luna's coat turned black as a blue aura surrounded her, and more chanting played.

"By the way, there's something I'd like you to know." informed Luna.

"You're a bunch of idiots!" Luna said in a different voice, as her Millennium Ring shined momentarily.

"This came totally out of nowhere." commented Twilight as the mane cast fell.

"That's what you get for hogging all my screen time, you little bitch." Nightmare Moon responded, then continued as she extended a hoof to the Millennium Puzzle, "Now to steal your Millennium Puzzle and take your role as mane character." But as she touched the puzzle, it glowed white, "What in Discord's name is this?" the evil alicorn asked.

The psychotic Twilight Sparkle got up, telling her enemy, "Get your hands off my puzzle, you allie fruitcake!"

"What say you and me have a card game to decide who deserves to be the mane character?" Nightmare Moon asked, "And when I win, this show will be all mine."

"Okay." Agreed the purple pony, "But who are you anyway?"

"I'm Luna."

"Never heard of you!"

**(End of episode)**

And now a very special message from the cast and crew of Po-Ni-Oh.

"Hello folks." began Psychotic Twilight Sparkle, "Here at Po-Ni-Oh, we like to have a good laugh as much as the next filly. But there comes a time when the laughter must stop!" Twilight explained when, "And that's usually when somepony dies." she then said who died, "Recently a treasured member of our cast passed away. Her name was Derpy Hooves' voice."

Rainbow appeared to pay her respects, "She meant so much to all of us, she made us laugh and cry, I can't believe she's gone."

"When I first heard she died, I had no idea what I was hearing, her voice was like family to me." normal Twilight told the audience.

Pinkie told the audience, "I was with her when her voice passed away. Her voice was struggling to overcome an addiction to alcohol, and well.. one thing lead to another."

A reconstruction was shown. "Derpy's voice, have you been drinking?" Pinkie asked.

Derpy answered, "I can't remember because I'm so drunk."

Derpy began running off, somehow holding scissors in her hooves, Pinkie called out, "Derpy, don't run with those scissors!"

Derpy was quite arrogant about the situation, "You're not the boss of me!"

Offscreen, Derpy was heard falling and exclaiming in pain. "Oh no, she's dead." commented Pinkie.

"What happened was just horrible." Rarity said, "I'd never want anything bad to happen to my voice."

"Neither would I." Scootaloo agreed.

Psychotic Twilight appeared again, concluding with, "And so, we dedicate this episode to the memory of Derpy's voice."

In loving memory of Derpy Hooves' original voice: Season 0-Episode 7


	10. Episode 9

Episode 9: (Insert equine onomatopoeia here)

**A/N: Sorry about the lack of updates, but I decided to take a quick break after uploaded Episode 8, and next thing I knew, so much time had passed, but don't worry, I'd never leave my readers hanging.**

As we seen an image of Twilight Sparkle surrounded by cards, we heard some neighing, as subtitles translated it as, 'Previously on the Po-Ni-Oh...'

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to the mane characters at their campfire, as the bushes rustled, Pinkie and Derpy neighed, the subtitles showed they were asking, 'What is this new discordery?'

Luna walked out of the bushes, the mane cast neighed, translated to, 'Behold, it is the Luna!"

Pinkie neighed, subtitles showing she said, 'Hereupon, my fears are alleviated.'

As the characters were shown sitting around a tree stump, more neighing was heard, subtitles translating it to, 'Luna has been permitted the friendship.'

Twilight neighed, translated to 'You have a Millennium Item unexpectedly!'

Very different sounding neighing was heard, translated into English as 'Indeed, and with it's powers I make my coat darker and gain a black arua.' As this was neighed, the picture went ripply as Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon.

Pinkie neighed, which translated to, 'Poor weather conditions?'

The scene continued but no more subtitles appeared, with text appearing saying, 'I'm not getting paid enough for translating this, besides, you already know what they're saying from the previous episode.'

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

As a vision of all the Millennium Items appeared, Nightmare Moon explained, "Once I gain all seven Millennium Items, I shall use their vaguely established powers to make an everlasting night, but first, I'm going to beat you in a card game!"

"Not if I can help it, you alicorn darkpuff!" Twilight retorted, as she placed a card on the field, saying, "I summon the Cyber Commander, which by the way is Derpy's favourite monster, even though she never actually plays this game."

Ironically, the Cyber Commander appeared in the form of Derpy, who reacted, "What in Equestria? Am I dreaming or something?"

Twilight commented, "By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!"

Nightmare Moon then ordered, "White Magical Hat, send her Cyber Commander to the graveyard." as her White Magical Hat killed Derpy, not the voice, the entire pony.

"NO! DERPY!" Twilight cried out, "She was the finest mind of her generation!" Twilight then played another card, saying what it was, "I summon the Flame Swordsmare, AKA Pinkie's favourite monster."

In the same ironic fashion, Flame Swordsmare appeared as Pinkie, who asked, "Um, have I been sleepclopping to the trading cards I left under my pillow again?"

Twilight then stated what she had worked out based on what she's seen, "It seems that Luna has placed our souls within each of our favourite cards. Either that or she's turned you all into cosplayers."

"That foal of unmarried parents!" Pinkie reacted.

"By the way, Derpy's dead." Twilight told her friend.

"Wait, you mean Derpy as in, Derpy, Derpy." Pinkie questioned.

"Yes, it's the actual pony, not her voice." Twilight answered, she continued by explaining, "I also summon the Dark Magician." as an illusion of the normal, sane Twilight appeared in the Dark Magician's outfit.

Normal Twi commented, "I look slightly more ridiculous than usual... wait, I don't normally look ridiculous."

The other Twi then said what her next move was, "Now I activate, Reborn The Monster, to resurrect Derpy's original voice!"

Derpy reappeared, asking in her original voice, "Hey, what gives, I liked my new voice, ponies were starting to take me seriously."

"Sorry Derpy, but it's much easier to make fun of you this way." replied Twilight.

It was at this point Pinkie decided to ask the obvious question, "Wait a second, why are there two Twilight's?"

Normal!Twilight told her friends, "I'm not sure, but sometimes when I'm dueling, it feels like a powerful voice inside is telling me how to win."

"Yes, I've been helping her cheat!" the psychotic Twilight told the group, to stop an argument, before continuing, "Now I'll place Rainbow in face-down position."

"HEY!" shouted normal!Twilight, "That's what I wanted to say!"

Rainbow was too busy seeing she was dressed as Magician Of Loyalty to listen, before commenting about the outfit, "It needs to be about 20% Cooler™"

'Twilight was thinking about Rainbow's preference for Magician of Loyalty, 'If only she'd picked Dark Magician Filly. Mmm, Dark Magician Filly.'

Nightmare Moon then announced, "Good luck overcoming my Pony-Eating Bug!"

Dark Magician Twilight explained, "One of us is going to have to sacrifice ourselves in order to kill that monster!" She then said her choice, "I nominate Derpy."

"Second it!" Rainbow quickly responded.

But Pinkie ran forward telling Derpy not to worry, "I've always wanted to die while being a Duel Monster." As she disappeared, she shouted, "I REGRET NOTHHHIIIINNNNGGGG!"

Nightmare Moon continued to talk about her plan, "Soon I'll be the only character left. I've always wanted my own cartoon. I think I'll call it, 'Q & Pals'!"

Nightmare Moon then showed her opening sequence for Q & Pals, the theme song went, "Who's that crazy kook messing up Equestria? It's Discord! **(That's me!)** It's Q & Pals!"

In show, Nightmare Moon asked, "Discord, have you forgot our anniversary?... AGAIN!"

A laugh track played.

"Yes, I was too busy shrouding Equestria in chaos." replied Discord.

A laugh track played.

"I've ruined the lives of many ponies." he continued.

A laugh track played.

"That's my Discord!" Nightmare Moon finished.

The Q & Pals closing theme played. "The purity of Harmony will go without end. His name's Discord and he's messing up Equestria!"

Back in the real story, Nightmare Moon asked, "What do you think, kooky old lady?"

"That's... IT!" shouted the crazy Twilight, "Nopony compares me to Granny Smith, and gets away with it!" before slamming the tree stump with her hooves.

Suddenly, the Magician Of Loyalty card begin to glow and it's ATK and DEF were suddenly equal to Dark Magician. Dark Magician Twilight explained, "You've jammed the illusions and activated Rainbow's special ability, making her ATK and DEF points look completely inaccurate."

"Great!" the pyschotic Twilight exclaimed, "This also lets me recycle Reborn The Monster!"

Pinkie Pie was pulled out of the graveyard just in time, as she told the Reaper Of Cards, "Please don't kill me, we could have a party!" before being transported out and back to the field.

"It's okay, Pinkie." Dark Magician Twilight said, "My alter-ego brought you back to life with a spell card."

Nightmare Moon sighed, "How many times must you ponies die before you stay dead?" before showing a spell card.

"The Change Of Heart!" Dark Magician Twilight announced the name, "That's Luna's favourite card!"

"Yes," responded Nightmare Moon, "and with it, I'm going to turn you into a villain, that way, you'll know what it's like to have your plans foiled time by time by a group of card game obsessed morons!"

As Nightmare Moon placed the card on the table, an illusion appeared in the form of Luna. Dark Magician Twilight told her friends, "Look, it's the real Luna!"

Luna switched her position to a random monster, telling the others, "I've taken control of this mare's body in order to save you guys, and I don't mind telling you it feels bloody great!"

"By the gods, that's exactly what I want to look like!" Nightmare Moon commented.

The psychotic Twilight stated, "Conveniently, my Millennium Puzzle allows me to put souls back into their original bodies." as Luna and Nightmare Moon's souls swapped places.

Now a monster on the field, Nightmare Moon was annoyed, as she exclaimed, "How dare you defy me? Just wait until Discord hears about this!"

The psychotic Twilight announced, "FINISH HER!"

Dark Magician Twilight then used her Dark Magic Attack, announcing, "Super Special Awesome Attack!"

As she disappeared, Nightmare Moon shouted, "Oh bugger me!" As she teleported to the graveyard, she shouted to nopony, "I shall be a mane character, even if it takes me another 200 bloody episodes!"

The rest of the cast were back in their real bodies, as Luna commented, "I say, that storyline made a lot more sense in the original manga."

Twilight asked, "Where did you get your evil ring from, Luna?"

Luna explained, "My son bought it in another kingdom where he wanted to purchase some Blue Blood dye."

Pinkie woke up, telling her friends, "I had the most unbelievable dream, there were two Twilights, and Luna was a mane character."

Rainbow told them, "I usually enjoy dreams that involve two Twilights, but this one was very disappointing."

Far in the distance, Rarity was heard saying, "My glasses are in danger!"

"Sounds like the story for the next episode." Commented Twilight, "Come on gang, let's go see what it is!"

**(End of episode)**

A/N: I might not be able to update as fast(Like I was going fast anyway), as CardGamesFTW was took down from Youtube, and episode 10 is one of the episodes I haven't downloaded. Either way, I chose the name Q & Pals as Discord is voiced by the same guy who voiced the character Q in Star Trek, as we see mentioned everywhere. Next time, I will ponyfy a bonus video, which has a cameo from a certain mare who be very loudmouthed when she's introduced properly.


	11. Song: Pinkie Sense

Song: PINKIE SENSE!

Pinkie was standing up against Trixie, telling the azure unicorn, "'Kay, Trixie, this time I'm really gonna beat ya, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Trixie responded, "Please, Pie, I could beat you with my hooves magically attached to my Cutie Mark. What makes you think you can win this time?"

As music began to play, Pinkie answered, "Well, I'm glad you asked."

Trixie questioned where the music was, as Pinkie began her song, "Neigh, neigh, neigh!"

"Tell me she's not..." began Trixie.

But this interrupted by another "Neigh, neigh, neigh!" from Pinkie.

"Look, I'll pay you any amount of money right now if you don't sing!" Trixie offered.

But it was too late, Pinkie was already too immersed to listen, and continued, "Neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh, neigh! I wanna duel 'em like they do in Po-Ni-Oh! Face-down, face-up, trap card, spell card, then Time Roulette GO!(I love it!) All I do is just believe in the Heart Of The Cards, then I buck some plot when I use Swordsmare of Landstar! Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-ohh-oh-oh! Ain't no surprise, check out my Red Eyes! Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-ohh-oh-oh! Ain't no surprise, check out my Red Eyes! Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

Pinkie continued "Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense.(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense!(Neigh, neigh, neigh)" Pinkie continued, "My sister's sight is on the line, I gotta win!" as a picture of Vinyl Scratch appeared behind her, "Tell them to run soon as they see my creepy fic.(I'm scary)" As a picture of Cupcakes appeared behind her. "Equinia Roulette is not the same without a gun! But since we're dubbed by 4Foals we must make do without one!(Sucks) Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-ohh-oh-oh! Ain't no surprise, check out my Red Eyes! Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-ohh-oh-oh! Ain't no surprise, check out my Red Eyes! Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

Pinkie continued "Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense.(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense!(Neigh, neigh, neigh)" Pinkie continued, "I won't lose to Snips and Snails, 'cause they fail, and I'm groovy with my Twilight. I'm not baggin', I'm just hanging with my Baby Dragon, met this mare with nice glasses, treated us like we needed smashes, and she's such an ass!(Such an ass!)"

"HEY!" shouted Cranky Doodle Donkey, offended by the use of ass.

Pinkie continued, "Check this deck, I ain't second class! Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

Pinkie continued "Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

Heartstrings chimed in with, "I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

"I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

"I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

"I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Can't beat my, can't beat my, no they can't beat my Pinkie Sense!"

"I don't wanna be a furry!"

"Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense.(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense!(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense.(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense!(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense.(Neigh, neigh, neigh) Pi-pi-pi-Pinkie Sense!(Neigh, neigh, neigh)" And Pinkie fell from exhaustion.

(End of Song)

Did you like the song? Did ya? Did ya? Did ya? Either way, wait and soon I will have Episode 10.


	12. Episode 10

Episode 10: Both Of You, Duel Like You Want To Win!

"Who keeps throwing these cards at me? It's not funny you know, stop it!" Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

"NO! My pegasi! I can't believe I lost!" cried Rarity as her LP dropped to 0.

Across the arena stood a blue-furred minotaur, declaring, "Maybe next time you'll put more than 3 monsters in your deck. I'll be taking your star chips now!"

"Super Special Awesome rescue" Twilight shouted as she galloped in from the distance with her friends, before asking, "We heard screaming, is everypony okay?"

"I lost another duel." Rarity explained.

"You were screaming because of that, what are you, 5 years old?" Twilight responded.

"If you're in the right dimension." Rarity answered.

"What?" Everypony... and minotaur asked.

"Um, forget that. That was not said or written or anything, got it?" Rarity answered, as her horn glowed blue.

"What the..." The rest of the cast cried.

"Memorus Eraser!" shouted Rarity as the clearing was covered in blue light.

After the light disappeared, everypony was seeing stars.

"What happened?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, you just seen a great attack by my pegasi that won me a duel."

"What? But Iron Will doesn't lose! You lose, and pay me!" the monotaur shouted, identifying himself.

"Oh, a creature as strong as a minotaur won't need to worry too much, perhaps one of these ruffians could lose and pay you. But can I have the star chips?" Rarity responded.

"Well, I don't remember losing to you, but maybe you're right. It is possible I can't think after that attack." Iron Will answered. "So here." He gave Rarity the star chips, leaving her with 10.

Rarity chuckled, and disappeared in blue light.

Iron Will shook his head, and then recovered, now remembering the duel. "Wait! Now I remember beating her! Her Life Points hit 0! And she messed with my memory! You there, the purple one, with that horn going through your hair! Duel me, now! I'll deal with that cowardly sneak later!"

"Do you know who you're dueling?" Twilight asked, as her Millenium Puzzle shined. The transformation sequence played yet again. (Sheesh 4Foals, did we need to see it every time?)

A different opening played, showing various characters who have yet to appear, including Braeburn, Applebloom and Celestia, along with a different theme. The subtitles showed the lyrics to be, 'The card game's thesis will soon be set in defense mode with hot, surging hot life points if you activate a trap card! Embracing the Swords Of Revealing Light, young filly, play some card games!' Followed by the show's logo.

"It looks like it's my lucky day Twilight." Iron Will said as he entered the dueling arena. "Pegasus offered a vast reward to anypony who can eliminate you from the tournament."

"Yeah, well too bad you're not a pony." Crazed!Twilight replied.

Iron Will placed a card, explaining, "With the Castle Of Dark Illusions on the field, my monsters are hidden from sight, making things much easier to write."

Psycho!Twilight responded, "I cast Magic Missile at the darkness. Revealing your side of the field." As she said this, Iron Will's side of the field was revealed.

"I SAY TWILIGHT SPARKLE, THAT WAS EXCELLENT!" Luna commented.

"Why the hay are you shouting?" Pinkie asked.

"BECAUSE IT IS TRADITION TO USE THIS MUCH VOLUME WITH THE CANTERLOT CAPS!" she explained.

"I set all my monsters in defense mode! Stalemates are very exciting!" Iron Will declared.

"This is one lousy episode." Pinkie commented. "Reminds me of our spin-off show. Po-Ni-Oh! G3"

(Next scene removed due to G3)

Crazy!Twilight declared the winning move. "With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Spike Champion at your castle, shattering it's floatation ring, making it collapse on your monsters!"

"This card game is a load of horseapples." Luna said.

"And don't bother trying to kill me, as I'm the mane character!" Psychotic!Twilight explained, "However, you can go ahead and die!"

**MIND CRUSH!**

Crazy!Twilight finished with the moral. "Bullying is just wrong. Destroying brains with magical powers is a-ok!"

(End of episode)

A/N: I think this is the first part where I really altered the story from the source material. Either way, that first part was a reference to how Lauren Faust mentioned that she hadn't really picked an age for the mane cast. (Look it up for more info)


	13. Episode 11

Episode 11: ...In Equestria!

A/N: I'm back, baby! And I'm ready to bu... You know what, save it for within the episode.

"Previously on Puffy The Vampony Slayer... Just kidding, it's only Po-Ni-Oh." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Trixie flying to Duelist Kingdom, thinking, "I have to reach Pegasus' island, fortunately I can use the temporary wing spell on myself. Thank Celestia for my Greatness And Powerfulness. Once I get there, I'll probably bump into Twilight. I'll never forget the time she beat me in a card game. I remember it like it was yesterday."

Trixie flashbacked to Season 0.

"Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's against the rules isn't it?"

"SCREW THE RULES! I HAVE A RAINBOW MANE!"

Back in the present, Trixie thought, "Huh? That was just werid, I should probably cut down on the Zap Apple Jam. And did I get Zap Apple Jam when the Apple family don't make it in this story."

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

"Hay look, Luna, your Millennium Ring is acting really peculiar." Twilight said.

"Oh that's just my magic detector. My son had it installed in my Millennium Ring to protect me, as being an Alicorn tends to get you into all sorts of magic encounters." Luna explained.

"Wonder why it's pointing to Pegasus' castle." Twilight responded.

"Bugger if I know." Luna answered.

Meanwhile, in the castle, Pegasus was having a styling session from Aloe and Lotus Blossom. Aloe commented, "Oh, these are some of the nicest wings I've worked on, they are so strong, and the feathers are so sleek. If that's the right word."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry." Pegasus replied. "By the way, what are your thoughts on my butler, The Doctor."

Lotus Blossom answered, "Oh, he was nice, but a bit odd, as his wings felt like somepony taped his feathers on at the last moment for an inspection or something. He also seemed quite cryptic, with odd talk about time."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry." Pegasus told them, "As he has been odder, like how he never uses the bedroom I gave him, and instead goes into a telephone booth that I don't remember including in this castle."

Back outside, Luna said, "Say, that reminds me of the time I was transferred to your school."

She flashbacked to arriving in the classroom, as Cheerilee announced, "Mares and gentlecolts, this is our new student, Luna. Not only is she new, but she's an alicorn, so feel free to bully her like crazy."

"HELLO EVERYPONY, IT'S BLOODY NICE TO MEET YOU!" Luna greeted the class.

"What's wrong with her voice?" Generic Student asked.

"Is she a colt?" Generic Douchebag asked?

"Go back to Equinia!" Generic Pupil demanded.

"I wanna go home." Generic Pony said.

"YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF CLOPPERS!" Luna retorted.

At Twilight's table, Pinkie declared, "Checkmate, I zapped your weather pony!"

Twilight responded, "Pinkie, you redefine the meaning of being a moron."

Luna monologued in the present, "I was watching you play card games with your friends, when my Millennium Ring started pointing towards your Millennium Puzzle. I can't imagine why." Then she asked, "By the way, where are the others?"

Twilight explained, "Pinkie and Derpy are busy guarding Rainbow" while the camera showed Pinkie and Derpy asleep outside a tent. Twilight continued, "Ever since we got back from the Shadow Realm, she's under the impression that she is a caterpillar."

In the tent, Rainbow said in her sleep, "Soon I'll be a beautiful Fluttershy, I mean butterfly, and then Twilight will love me."

Shortly, Trixie became visible on the horizon. "Oh my, a blue mare, I wonder who it is." Luna said.

"I hope it's Commander Hurricane." Derpy replied.

Twilight recognized the arrival, telling her friends, "No, it's the filly I beat in the first episode without breaking a sweat. Hey loser, how's it going?"

Trixie answered, "I'm here to buck plot and play card games... And I'm all out of cards."

Twilight used her horn to pull out the deck she took from the gay clown offscreen in Episode 7, saying, "Here's your deck, Trixie. And I've forgiven you for hospitalizing Applejack. Can we be super special awesome friends now?"

"No, I haven't time to waste with you scoobies." Trixie answered, "You're a good duelist, Twilight, but your friend there couldn't duel her way out of a paper bag" she continued, walking into the woods.

Pinkie took offense, galloping after Trixie, shouting, "That does it! Nopony talks about Derpy like that!"

Trixie then told her, "I don't like being approached by those without money." Using her horn to shove Pinkie away.

Twilight ran up, asking, "Pinkie, are you okay?"

Luna suggested, "Check her pulse, Twilight!" as a caption appeared saying 'Actual 4Foals dialogue.'

Pinkie then challenged Trixie with "It's time to duel you big palooka!"

Trixie decided, "This looks like the perfect opportunity to stroke my ego." before pulling out her briefcase with her horn declaring, "BEHOLD! THE BRIEFCASE OF DEATH!" before opening it, explaining, "This contains the prototypes for my revolutionary new Duel Disk system." Next, Trixie took out one of the Duel Disks asking as she put her deck in, "Are you ready to be completely ashamed in front of your friends?"

Pinkie answered, "I was born ready, Trixie!" before shoving the Duel Disk away, declaring, go Armoured Lizard!

"Go Battle Ox!" Trixie responded, "Axe Smash Attack!"

"You duel like a dairy farmer." Pinkie commented.

"How appropriate," Trxie retorted, "You duel like a cow."

Rainbow commented on Pinkie's performence, "She's 20% lamer than usual."

"GO ON, PINKIE! STIFF UPPER LIP!" Luna advised in the Canterlot Voice.

Pinkie then brought out her Red Eyes Spike, explaining, "So here's this giant enemy dragon."

Trixie used the retort, "Go, Blue-Eyes! Attack her weak point for massive damage!"

Trixie then explained the damage output, "That costs you 599 U.E. Life Points." Upon which Pinkie's LP dropped to 0.

"NO! I LOST!" Pinkie sadly stated.

"Oh, cry me a river." Trixie said in response, "You don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. I've seen it with my own eyes. It was at a surprisingly popular card game tournament in Equestria." After this, a flashback began, as Trixie told them, "Scootaloo was supposed to be here with me, but since she had been foalnapped the 50th time that month, her seat was empty. Pegasus was facing the inter-continental champion, Applejack."

The flashback was interrupted by Twilight, who said, "Wait, but she never told me. Was this another Applejack?"

Trixie answered, "No, definitely the same, but she seemed very tired, as though she stayed up all night preparing herself. Also, she was acting very different, she kept reminding everypony she's from Equestria."

In the flashback, the other Applejack boasted, "You can't beat me because I'm an Equestrian!"

"See what I mean?" Trixie asked. She then continued, "It seemed as though Applejack was about to beat Pegasus, when she invited a filly from the audience."

The other Applejack responded to Pegasus' actions with, "What do you think you're doing? Asking for help is illegal, in Equestria!"

"I don't need help" Pegasus explained, "A filly could beat you, Applejack, and I'm going to prove it."

"Are you my mommy?" Sweeite Belle asked.

Trixie continued explaining what happened, "Pegasus gave the filly some instructions, and in just one turn, Applejack had lost. Who would have thought a foal could win at a foal's card game?"

The other Applejack said in horror, "This can't be happening, in Equestria!"

"I've turned this tournament into a total farce." Pegasus said in joy.

"So what was that story supposed to prove?" Twilight asked.

"It proves I'm obscenely rich!" Trixie answered. "Now, I have a hyperactive sister to rescue."

Derpy finished the episode in disappointment, "I didn't even get to tell her what I wanted for Hearth's Warming."

(End of episode)

A/N: So how was that? Also, Derpy's whole Commander Hurricane thing comes from my idea the founders are like Santa Claus, the founder for that ponies species is their Santa. By the way, Derpy wants a dragon. And U.E. stands for United Equestria, which is a counterpart to the Solar Empire and Lunar Republic which believes that Celestia and Luna rule together as sisters. I myself believe in Equestrian Unity, and am part of it's DeviantART group. Also, my DeviantART(Which has the same name as I do here) has pictures of the God Cards for this story.


	14. Episode 12

Episode 12: Duel Of The Dead

**A/N: Sorry for a lack of updates, but I was working on Dracula & Parody All-Stars Racing(You should give it a look, however, start at Chapter 7, as it's where the story really becomes good, as well as introducing the final cast, except for a surprise in it's upcoming chapter) Also, WARNING! I AM USING A CHARACTER WHO WAS IN THE LEAKED EPISODE! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, TURN BACK NOW! WARNING WILL BE REMOVED WHEN THE EPISODE AIRS!**

"No Duel Monsters were harmed during the making of this episode, except for Parasprite." Twilight Sparkle said as we seen an image of her surrounded by cards.

The cards cover the screen before uncovering to Pinkie galloping in escape, screaming, "HELP! I'M BEING CHASED BY THE SLOWEST DRAGON IN THE UNIVERSE!" before the screen scrolled up to a Blue-Eyes White Spike. Pinkie then fell, crying out, "Think of all the card games I'll never play." Before looking to her left seeing a giant Trixie, before declaring, "Oh no, it's Trixzilla! I knew she'd come for me one day."

Trixie then replied boastfully, "If you think this huge, then you should see my ego. Now lay at your mistresses hooves like a good little mare."

"But I don't wanna be a slave." begged Pinkie.

Trixie then ordered, "Shut up and curl up!"

"Yes mistress." Pinkie replied, curling up at Trixie's hooves. Following this, the screen cut from the dream to the real world, and a drop of dew fell on her as a caption explained 'The imagery speaks for itself'.

Upon realisation, Pinkie then told herself, "What a horrible nightmare, it's almost as bad as the one where Trixie beat me in a card game."

Twilight woke up, telling her, "Actually, Pinkie, I think that really happe..."

Pinkie snapped, "It was a dream!"

Rainbow then hoofed over a letter to Twilight, explaining that it was from Rarity. Twilight looked at it, and the bad hornwriting, asking "How the hay am I supposed to read this? It's just a bunch of pink smudges."

Derpy then sang, "Twilight's cheating on Rainbow!"

"That's it!" Twilight said aside, "Derpy is so getting a Mind Crush!"

And an opening sequence played, the normal, sane Twilight put a deck of cards in a slot using her horn, next, she used her horn to swing a whip for no reason as a close-up of her Millenium Puzzle played, and there was a flash of light and we seen the 'Talk to the hoof' scene from Episode 1, and the shows logo appeared.

"Check it out," announced Pinkie, "I've been practising my dance moves!" before placing her hind hooves in the air, claiming, "I call this one The Pinkie."

"Pinkie, that dance is worse than mine." commented Twilight.

"You're just jealous" Pinkie replied.

From a nearby cliff, Lightning Dust, who was wearing a zombie costume, commented, "Brains!" as subtitles translated to 'What a cool dance!'

"You said it, Zombie Filly." replied Blossomforth.

Upon this, Raindrops took notice of the rest of the group, "Hay, isn't that Twilight Sparkle? The only mare on the island who actually knows a pony with a more ridiculous mane than yours?"

"Brains" Zombie Filly answered, subtitles translating to 'But mine isn't ridiculous.'

Raindrops then replied, "I meant Blossomforth. Now let's go do more cliché henchpony things."

"I didn't think it was that bad." Blossomforth responded.

"Your mane, or Twilight's?" asked Raindrops.

Blossomforth answered, "Both."

"Brains" added Zombie Filly, as subtitles translated her to 'I also don't think that Derpy has that bad a mane.'

"The one with the ridiculous mane is that cyan one." Raindrops explained.

A short time later, the other Applejack told the pegasi trio "Excellent work, my fellow Equestrians! It sounds as though those foals are about to trigger our trap card... IN EQUESTRIA!"

"Boss, you know we aren't actually in Equestria, right?" asked Raindrops.

Applejack told them "I don't understand a word you just said, try speaking Equestrian, it's the only language I understand."

Back with the mane cast, Pinkie ran off, explaining, "I have to use the little fillies room"

"Too much information, Pinkie." Twilight responded.

Applejack meanwhile was guiding Zombie Filly around a cave, telling her, "That graveyard arena should be around here somewhere. This hat gets in the way of my sight, but I refuse to take it off as I am an Equestrian, and we always wear sunglasses. Now, how about a kiss, for luck?"

Zombie Filly snapped, "Brains!" and subtitles explained that she meant, 'You've got to be kidding!'

Outside, Pinkie was at a waterfall, commenting, "Nothing like getting out what you need to get out, as keeping it in would be a bad idea, sinc..." But a shadow appeared over her, acting as a blackout, cutting her off.

Immediately, the screen showed a shot from Pinkie's point of view as she woke up, hearing a "Rise and shine, dweeb!" from Blossomforth.

"Um, is this that dream where Glida dresses up as a pony to get revenge?" Pinkie asked.

Zombie Filly appeared, declaring "Brains!" as subtitles said 'It's time to duel!'

Outside, Twilight was now worried, "I wonder what happened to Pinkie? If she's gone much longer, we'll have to give her screentime to Luna."

"LET'S DITCH THAT CLOPPER THEN!" Luna commented, as Derpy and Rainbow looked at her, quite offended.

"Score, a wallet!" Rainbow declared, picking up a wallet.

Derpy then commented on the wallet, "Hay, that's Pinkie's fine-plot sister! I'd recognize that 'Come hither' look anywhere."

"Let's all wander aimlessly into the cave right there." Twilight declared as they ran to the cave.

"And what the hay do you want from me?" Pinkie asked her captors.

"Those Star Chips, of course! I have a fued with Pegasus to settle! So Zombie Filly will beat you in a card game!"

"Oh, come on!" Pinkie replied, "Even Derpy would know to take them while I was unconscious!"

"SHUT THE HAY UP!" Applejack snapped. "Now it's time for Zombie Filly to sing the Equestrian National Anthem... IN EQESTRIA!"

Elsewhere in the cave, Twilight commented, "This isn't Super Special Awesome, as Pinkie doesn't seem to be anywhere."

Luna then discovered something, saying "Look at these coffins. These will be perfect for when we kill Pinkie for starring in Cupcakes."

Then, a skeleton popped out.

"Oh no, a supermodel!" cried out Rainbow as it fell.

Twilight grabbed the skeleton in time, telling it, "HAY! Don't try making out with Rainbow, that's my job!"

Rainbow was now excited, "Twi touched me, that's means we're engaged."

Back at the card game, Zombie Filly was now singing out Evil Enchantress as her monsters came back as zombies that wiped out Samurai Warrior Stallion and dropped Pinkie's LP to 630.

Back at the search, Luna was missing, Twilight asked her fiancée "Where do you think Luna went?"

Rainbow answered with hope, "Maybe they finally wrote her out of the show."

Luna ran back in, with a Supermodel on her flank, screaming "HELP! THIS SUPERMODEL IS ONE OF MY FANBRONIES!"

The rest of the group ran in horror, "Not a fanbrony!"

Luna called out at them, "Come back and help, you cloppers!"

Derpy then bucked the supermodel away, asking it, "Who's smexy now, bitch?"

Unfortunately, the supermodel hit a switch, and the Daring Do theme song began as a boulder rolled through the cave.

The gang galloped away, and Luna soon took off, announcing, "Gangway! Mares and alicorns first!" before one of her wings got locked in place, "Oh, bollocks!" she commented as fell and got ran over.

"It got Luna!" Twilight called out.

"Good!" Rainbow replied.

Derpy then skidded and prepared to kick, declaring, "I shall avenge her death! My voice gives me super strength!"

And then there was a record scratch, accompanied with a split-second image of Vinyl Scratch, as the boulder exploded.

"Holy (BLEEP), it really does!" was all Derpy could react with.

"Oh, it was just a balloon with a speaker inside." Twilight observed, "I guess Pinkie is testing out a huge practical joke on us."

Luna was shaking on the ground, requesting, "Somepony tell my fanbronies, I love them."

Rainbow then commented, "Looks like Luna's scared for life again."

Back at the card game, Pinkie was breaking down, giving the hypocritical statement, "I sure wish Twilight were here, how can I prove my independence without her help?"

Twilight then arrived, calling, "Don't worry Pinkie, we're here to rescue you!" before realising what was going on, "Wait, you're playing a card game? We were worried sick about you."

Pinkie told them, "Hay, I'm trying to regain my self-esteem here!"

"Well, at least I'm engaged!" Rainbow replied, "As that is a great self-esteem booster."

Applejack warned Pinkie, "Give it up, dweeb. Zombie Filly's monsters are about to wipe out your Life Points!"

Pinkie then asked, "Let me guess, In Equestria, right?"

"I wasn't going to say that... IN EQUESTRIA!"

"Don't worry, Pinkie!" Twilight advised, "Just remember your love for Vinyl, and you can do anything."

"You're right, Twi. That's my favourite type of glue." Pinkie responded. "This is for taking Mr. Cake's hoof-prints! You undead bastard!"

"Brains?" Asked Zombie Filly as her LP dropped to 0, the subtitles said, 'WTF?'

"Guess you learned an important lesson, Pinkie." Twilight said, "The only way to kill a zombie, is to go for the Life Points."

Pinkie added, "I also learned that you and Rainbow need a pair of bachelorette parties. Now, let's get out before we're eaten by a grue."

Outside, Zombie Filly and her friends had already left, and were pushing a cardboard cut-out of a boulder into place, declaring that the mane characters would never get past it.

Within, Pinkie, while pushing it, said, "It's no use, it's made of solid cardboard."

Rainbow commented, "I can't believe I'm trapped in a cave that has no awesome skies to fly in."

(End of episode)

A/N: Thanks for being patient with me. Also, earlier, I was talking with a friend who made me a picture based around Trixie and Scootaloo in this story, and we found that they weren't as unlikely sisters as it would seem. We said that Scootaloo's wish to be awesome could come from Trixie's personality, and Scootaloo idolizes Rainbow as she's a pegasus.


End file.
